my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
