we're blogging at a bar
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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