i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
