The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
