What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I'm too high and old for this...
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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