im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
