just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
