I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
