i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
