I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
