I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
