Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
