Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
