I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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