benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
