i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
