Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
