That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
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