you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize