he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
