Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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