Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
