you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
