I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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