I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I just googled if crying burns calories
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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