Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
