foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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