just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
