Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
