so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
