my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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