i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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