i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
