I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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