Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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