o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
