p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
