I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
