what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
