just tell him i said nine months
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
