I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Randomize
