Say something about gay babies.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Randomize
