i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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