Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
