I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
Randomize
