So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
