He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize