Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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