That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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