Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
