Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Randomize