I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
