Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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