I want you more than these girls want KFC
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
