I will die if light touches me.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize