Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
"it" just moved
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
