pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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