sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
