I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
