In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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