he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Randomize
