STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
Randomize
