Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
you didnt know i had herpes?
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Randomize
