not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
