All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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