Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
