I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
