sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
