I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
he fucked my hip out of place.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Randomize
