Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
