these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize