I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
