It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
