it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
