hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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