so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
