Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
